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"Hi my name is Cathleen, or Cat is fine too." *shakes hand* "It's nice to meet you!"
It's amazing how after a 10 second interaction with a stranger, we think we have people completely figured out. Sometimes we don't even interact with that person directly, and yet still we think we've seen enough to have their story down. We all do it - I certainly am guilty of it. Try as we might to avoid it, and heed our elders' warnings to not judge a book by its cover, we all still find ourselves doing just that. And to be fair, I think these snap judgements do have a place - we need it to provide context on how we should behave and approach the world when we are in each others company. Our initial perceptions tell us which walls to keep up and which are ok to let down, and they dictate how further interactions will occur, at least until we are able to gather more pieces of the puzzle and get a better sense of what the whole picture looks like. This is why first impressions are often so important. Because depending on how you come off, not many people are willing to stick around and gather more pieces of the puzzle. We all know this, of course. I am not saying anything particularly shocking or revealing, but here's where I make the Beyond Borders connection....
I make a horrible first impression! Perhaps horrible isn't the word, but I certainly don't seem to make a consistent first impression or one that I think accurately reflects who I am. When it comes to first impressions of me, I have heard it all. I've been told that people thought I was "a dumb jock", the popular girl who has a new partner every 2 days, a flirt, a hippie, non-athletic, a radical feminist, super conservative, mean, really nice, really shy.... the list goes on. And if I am being honest, I don't think any of those things are true. I like to think of myself as a fairly self aware person...although I guess we all would like to think this. I am pretty certain that I am a fairly multi-dimensional person, and have a lot of different sides of myself that come out at different times depending on where I am or what I am doing. Some of these sides can seem complete opposite to one another, for example, I am currently enrolled in Science, Women's Studies and American Sign Language at school. There isn't a whole lot of connection with those things other than I love learning - and I can safely admit that I approach each of these programs differently. My parents always laugh and say that I am the hardest person to stereotype, but there has got to be a reason why people are thinking what they are thinking. I made it my task this week to try and figure this out. In fact, this whole post was inspired by a comment that someone made at St. John's Kitchen - one of the workers there told me that she thought I was extremely conservative. I thought this was completely bizarre, and when I headed back to the Women's Centre that afternoon, I asked around. Turns out, that almost everyone there had a seemingly different first impression of me - although they did agree that I was no conservative (phew!). When I asked what it was about me that gave them their respective first impressions of me, no one really had a solid reason; apparently that is just what I came off as. What is it that I am doing that makes me come off so completely wrong?!
I only raise this question, because I feel as though in Nairobi, first impressions are going to be a big deal. The last thing I want to do while I am there is offend or put off the members of Education for Life, or even the women that I am supposed to be working alongside and teaching. I would like things to go smoothly as possible, and I think a good first impression could at least help a little with that.
Well, I have two months (eep!) before Nairobi. That should give me some time to figure it out....hopefully....maybe?....
Cheers,
Cat
It's amazing how after a 10 second interaction with a stranger, we think we have people completely figured out. Sometimes we don't even interact with that person directly, and yet still we think we've seen enough to have their story down. We all do it - I certainly am guilty of it. Try as we might to avoid it, and heed our elders' warnings to not judge a book by its cover, we all still find ourselves doing just that. And to be fair, I think these snap judgements do have a place - we need it to provide context on how we should behave and approach the world when we are in each others company. Our initial perceptions tell us which walls to keep up and which are ok to let down, and they dictate how further interactions will occur, at least until we are able to gather more pieces of the puzzle and get a better sense of what the whole picture looks like. This is why first impressions are often so important. Because depending on how you come off, not many people are willing to stick around and gather more pieces of the puzzle. We all know this, of course. I am not saying anything particularly shocking or revealing, but here's where I make the Beyond Borders connection....
I make a horrible first impression! Perhaps horrible isn't the word, but I certainly don't seem to make a consistent first impression or one that I think accurately reflects who I am. When it comes to first impressions of me, I have heard it all. I've been told that people thought I was "a dumb jock", the popular girl who has a new partner every 2 days, a flirt, a hippie, non-athletic, a radical feminist, super conservative, mean, really nice, really shy.... the list goes on. And if I am being honest, I don't think any of those things are true. I like to think of myself as a fairly self aware person...although I guess we all would like to think this. I am pretty certain that I am a fairly multi-dimensional person, and have a lot of different sides of myself that come out at different times depending on where I am or what I am doing. Some of these sides can seem complete opposite to one another, for example, I am currently enrolled in Science, Women's Studies and American Sign Language at school. There isn't a whole lot of connection with those things other than I love learning - and I can safely admit that I approach each of these programs differently. My parents always laugh and say that I am the hardest person to stereotype, but there has got to be a reason why people are thinking what they are thinking. I made it my task this week to try and figure this out. In fact, this whole post was inspired by a comment that someone made at St. John's Kitchen - one of the workers there told me that she thought I was extremely conservative. I thought this was completely bizarre, and when I headed back to the Women's Centre that afternoon, I asked around. Turns out, that almost everyone there had a seemingly different first impression of me - although they did agree that I was no conservative (phew!). When I asked what it was about me that gave them their respective first impressions of me, no one really had a solid reason; apparently that is just what I came off as. What is it that I am doing that makes me come off so completely wrong?!
I only raise this question, because I feel as though in Nairobi, first impressions are going to be a big deal. The last thing I want to do while I am there is offend or put off the members of Education for Life, or even the women that I am supposed to be working alongside and teaching. I would like things to go smoothly as possible, and I think a good first impression could at least help a little with that.
Well, I have two months (eep!) before Nairobi. That should give me some time to figure it out....hopefully....maybe?....
Cheers,
Cat
In many cases, when I ask what people thought when they first met me, I get the same response "I thought you looked like a bitch" SHOCKING I KNOW..ok maybe not that shocking..but apparently I have a mean, unfriendly disposition that really I wasn't aware I was putting off. I loved this post, and I completely agree that first impressions are rarely who a person is, yet they are so important! It puts a lot of pressure on all of us I think, already coming into these placements with "I'm a westerner" target on our backs - and then we have to get people to like us! What a challenge it will be, but I think it's important that we know how important first impressions can be - just so we can work on the best way to present ourselves!
My first impressions are, as stated at the Working Center, quiet. Yes I am very quiet when I first meet people because I get nervous. Very nervous. "Can I trust them?" "What do I say?" I get that a lot, and I also get weird. I am weird. I embrace it but a lot of the time people write me off for it. I always find first impressions difficult. This all being said I surprised myself on the night of the book reading. I actually talked to strangers! ME! And not only strangers but someone that I admire a lot - Dr. James Maskalyk. Sometimes in different situations you can surprise yourself with the first impressions that you give. Who knows, Nairobi may just fit with you, if not then you will be working with these people for a long time and they can get to know the great person you are!
I am scared of this as well, I come off pretty harsh, and sometimes I am very out-spoken, but I think that having this fear too close to the heart just creates wrong impressions.
Since I have been thinking about this as well, I can give you the advice I am going to try to practice myself...
Just let it be, without thinking too much of it. You are in this program because of who you are, this program is right for you because of the person you are: so let yourself be that person, and Education for life will surely welcome you as Joanne and Elyse have welcomed you in the program.
p.s. Not conservative at all!! :)
It's not your first impressions that matter, it's your lasting impressions. I think our biggest problem is that we often *try to make an impression*. Don't try to make any impression, just take your time, be yourself, and give people time to get to know you. I guarantee you'll find your place.