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Yesterday marked my first day volunteering at St. John’s Kitchen, and I am both energized and completely weighed down after the experience. For those of you who aren’t involved with the Beyond Borders program, all BB participants are required to volunteer with a local KW development organization during the term before their departure, in order to gain a better understanding of issues that plague our own communities. St. John’s Kitchen is one of the many services found at the Working Centre – a community-based organization that is committed to providing tools and opportunities for individuals to create their own work and build community. St John’s Kitchen is essentially a soup kitchen, but with a special emphasis on collaboration and community as many of the volunteers who help prepare and serve meals are also patrons. It was this organic system which made me choose St. John’s Kitchen as my volunteer placement for the term. KW has a plethora of development organizations, but I was searching for something based on a system of knowledge exchange and equal interaction, not one based on “other-ing” and hierarchy. When I looked into St. John’s, it sounded very much like that, but truth be told, I really had no idea what to expect.As I walked up to the doors of the building yesterday, I definitely had butterflies. Several of the patrons were standing in front of the entrance, and were giving me the once over as I trudged towards the door. I definitely was getting the impression that they thought I didn’t belong, especially as I politely said excuse me and no one even acknowledged I was trying to get by. As soon as I made my way upstairs to the main kitchen and serving area, I was instantly overwhelmed. I knew the name of the volunteer coordinator but that was it. Everyone seemed to have a place to be and was bustling about. I finally flagged down a volunteer and said why I was there, only to be shuffled around to a few other people. Eventually a very nice gentlemen offered to show me the ropes and gave me several tasks to do. I still felt like I had a huge “inconvenience” sign stamped on my forehead, because there was clearly a system going on there, and I was not part of it. I know myself fairly well, and I tend to get rather frustrated whenever I start a new job (whether volunteer or otherwise), particularly for this reason, which is probably the “Inquiring Green + introverted” side of me coming out.
I require change to thrive in my life, whether it is a new job, a new city, or even a new circle of friends. I tend to get restless every few years and have an overwhelming desire to just start fresh. I can honestly say that I am in one of those phases right now, which truth be told, is a bit of a double edged sword. It certainly makes this beyond borders process a lot easier, because let’s face it, this program pretty much embodies change. The trouble with this though, is that I don’t particularly enjoy the transition portion of change, because I perceive it as a barrier to my learning, and it often requires me to work outside my comfortable bubble of introversion. And for about the 1st hour of my time at St. John’s today, my feathers were definitely being ruffled and bubbles were being burst.
My one and only requirement for the work I do is that I must be learning is some capacity, and this learning doesn’t necessarily have to be from a book, in fact I much prefer the life skills/lessons kind of learning. So, when I get thrown into a situation where I am new and I don’t have the capacity/skills to just dive in and give my 100%, and I don’t know the people or really how to be myself around them, I find it incredibly agitating. Usually for the first week of a new job I hate it and want to quit (although I never do), because I get sick of feeling like a fish flopping around on dry land. I am well aware though that this is my typical pattern, and I just did my best to ignore it and push towards that point where the learning can begin. (And yes Joanne, I did make a mental note of this pattern for Nairobi!). I know it will take awhile before I feel comfortable there, but I am resolved to keep at it, because that was one of the most incredible experiences I have had in a long while.
My mind is racing at a million miles an hour, and I have so much about this experience that I feel I should share, so I will continue in a second post later today once I have had a chance to process a little more. It should also give you a bit of a break from the lengthiness of this post!
Cheers!
-Cat
